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My mother struggled to make ends meet after his death and worked as much as she could but made sure that her “little treasure” (me) was always her first priority. I don’t recall missing out on much until about 10 years old but I wasn’t unique in not having a father around.Mum had a friend, called Lila, whom came around about once a month. She always seemed much happier after Lila had spent time with her and Lila would most times stay over night. I can recall their laughter as I lay in my bed at night. Lila would often comment that I was getting more and more like my father and mum would give me a long hard look and say “yes I suppose he is”.When I was about 13 my mum started to let me grow my hair, rather than the short shorn look I had always had. My hair went from being straight and blonde to, at first wavy then curly and darkened in the process too over a period of time.(I think it all happened as I went through puberty?).At about 14 mum brought a man friend home, he was her boss. "I am so sorry, Gaspazha. So very sorry. Yes: I understand. I am not the only one carrying burdens. I am sorry if I seem self-pitying sometimes"And yet. And yet. She was doing her job, or at least doing the sort of adventurous things soldiers do – and her life changed. I was stolen – and my life changed. That is surely different, isn't it? I am not sure, anymore. I just feel, as I so often do nowadays, that I have been 'put in my place' once again.I hug her once again. The slave comforting her Mistress and then I get back down on my knees. Showing me her own hurts, her own vulnerability has put me in my place – or at least, that is how it feels. As so often, its another step down the road away from a normal life and into slavery. Neena has shared her own history with me, instead of punishing me for prying into her privacy. Instead of pain, I now feel the weight of an added responsibility: a greater responsibility to bear my own situation with patience and to redouble my efforts to be.
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